Thursday, October 23, 2008

This toast has spent a week in hell...

I cannot tell you how much I hate my job. That's not true. I can tell you but the intensity of the feeling is so frightening, it makes my husband nervous. One side effect of this hatred is the ever shortening of my weekend, which arrives on Tuesdays. This most recent two day break had me in tears by Tuesday afternoon. My depression and anxiety disorders were well in hand and now I am cycling again.

I work at a building supply store. I spend my days with people who are unhappy and seem to be bent on making everyone around them just as miserable. I've been told I need to develop a thicker skin. What if I don't want a thicker skin? It just so happens that I really like who I am. For crying out loud - of which I do a lot these days - I'm thirty-five years old. I know who I am and I don't liek having to smile through thinly to completely unveiled insults. That's not right no matter where a person works.

Is it too much to ask for respect? I'm dealing with some of the most dishonest, ignorant customers out there and I'm asked to do it with a smile on my face. I'm held responsible for their lies ahile beign given no support to call them on their falsehoods. All of this I'm having to do with one month worth of on the floor training and no product identification training. It sure forces me to deal with my perfectionism issues.

Next, I am working with a lot of letters and numbers. I knew I was dyslexic but I had no idea how badly until now. I also have ADD which makes it really hard for me to focus, mentally. I'm good with the conversation aspect but looking at a reciept on which twenty items are displayed and having to identify each, both on the reciept and in the vehicle, is a particularly hellish experience for me.

I'm an introverted, dyslexic, ADD adult with depression and anxiety issues (read: sensitive artist). I have a tough time standing in one place for long periods of time. I'm helping to financially support my family - I know, I'll get a job standing behind a counter serving ignorant, unhappy people for eight hours a day and I'll do it for ten bucks an hour!

Me thinks my logic was faulty.

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