The beat goes on...

I've done it. I signed up for NaBloPoMo.

*deep breath*

I've never been able to post daily and I've been blogging since 2002. I've found over the past few days that I'm looking forward to writing. If I don't write before work, I think about it until I get home. It's been therapeutic on a few levels and this makes me look forward to the month ahead. It has been a season of change and growth for me, so here's to another step away from my comfort zone.

Practice makes NaBloPoMo possible...

I'm contemplating signing up for NaBloPoMo. Funny thing is, I didn't even know signing up was something one did. I just thought it was about personal commitment. *Sigh*, I'm such a dork.

I've made it half way through my work week. Sometimes I need to hold on to these thoughts. I miss my family, my old life. I realized recently that, even if everything were to return to normal, I still wouldn't be able to go back. My old life is over and it's no bad thing. I have learned so much about myself; I'm so much stronger than I ever thought I could be.

This isn't a news post either. It's late, as I've been up since 5:30 am and my contacts are bugging me so much that I would not be adverse to clawing my eyes out right this moment. I fear that might make the rest of my work week a touch more difficult, though, so I refrain. Go, me!

Yes, there's a story behind my extreme contact use. The problem with all these stories is that I have to start at the beginning. In order for everything to make sense and convey my reality of the situation I am in, currently, I have to begin with background. Anyone who's familiar with me knows that I'm a stickler for detail. I do so like to tell a story. So, in the name of "the good story," I will work on linear writing. Loop-de-loops are best saved for the fair-grounds.

Until then...

Phoenix rising...

Today, I did not hate my job. I didn't love it, but I smiled again. I think much of my stress springs from me, myself. Funny that I say "I think" when I know. I've known this for years.

Soon I will post some news. There's a reason I've been absent - a long convoluted reason. I just don't have the time or energy to go into any detail.

Soon, and this time I promise.

This toast has spent a week in hell...

I cannot tell you how much I hate my job. That's not true. I can tell you but the intensity of the feeling is so frightening, it makes my husband nervous. One side effect of this hatred is the ever shortening of my weekend, which arrives on Tuesdays. This most recent two day break had me in tears by Tuesday afternoon. My depression and anxiety disorders were well in hand and now I am cycling again.

I work at a building supply store. I spend my days with people who are unhappy and seem to be bent on making everyone around them just as miserable. I've been told I need to develop a thicker skin. What if I don't want a thicker skin? It just so happens that I really like who I am. For crying out loud - of which I do a lot these days - I'm thirty-five years old. I know who I am and I don't liek having to smile through thinly to completely unveiled insults. That's not right no matter where a person works.

Is it too much to ask for respect? I'm dealing with some of the most dishonest, ignorant customers out there and I'm asked to do it with a smile on my face. I'm held responsible for their lies ahile beign given no support to call them on their falsehoods. All of this I'm having to do with one month worth of on the floor training and no product identification training. It sure forces me to deal with my perfectionism issues.

Next, I am working with a lot of letters and numbers. I knew I was dyslexic but I had no idea how badly until now. I also have ADD which makes it really hard for me to focus, mentally. I'm good with the conversation aspect but looking at a reciept on which twenty items are displayed and having to identify each, both on the reciept and in the vehicle, is a particularly hellish experience for me.

I'm an introverted, dyslexic, ADD adult with depression and anxiety issues (read: sensitive artist). I have a tough time standing in one place for long periods of time. I'm helping to financially support my family - I know, I'll get a job standing behind a counter serving ignorant, unhappy people for eight hours a day and I'll do it for ten bucks an hour!

Me thinks my logic was faulty.

Tee-hee!

Guess what I'm doing right now?






Done? I'm sitting on my front step, slowly absorbing radiation from my new wireless enabled laptop!

Yay.

Another day in another week of a home learner's life.

Last year, at the age of eight, Kitten began the school year in her first 'real,' away from home school. It was a phenomenal, tiny little independent school with its curriculum based in bioregional sustainability. They believed in child-led learning and we loved it there - we fit. It wasn't perfect, nothing is, but it was the best of all worlds to our little family. A month after school began, our delightful landlord gave us six months notice. He was selling our house. Gee, thank god we'd redone the 30 year old flooring throughout and completely rebuilt the rotting bathroom! He might not have been able to get the $400K he was hoping for.

I digress. With housing being what it was in the city (read: nonexistent) we quickly discovered that we didn't have the option of sticking it out for the remainder of the school year. With that decision made for us, we discovered another positive point about the school. It had a great distance learning program. Brilliant. Me? Not so much. I really prefer to do my own thing. I don't like feeling like I've got someone looking over my shoulder. Not only that but I'm really lazy and easily overwhelmed. Not the best two characteristics when trying to... well, anything! So our poor DL teacher had to pull it out of her ass at the end of the year because my reporting sucks.

We're with a new program this year. My sister has been with this program for a couple/few years and offered to be my paper-worker as they require weekly reporting of a very detailed nature. She said, "You do the home learning and give me a general outline of what you've done, I'll put it in the form they want to see." Well, guess what? They seem to be less than pleased about the fact that Kitten is registered under my sister's name (as opposed to a parent) and they want me to register with the program. Yay. I'm f*ing thrilled. From 3x yearly reporting (which I sucked at) to weekly reporting... did I already say 'yay?'

Needless to say, my life has not exactly been what I'm used to. Kitten has swimming lessons 2ce/week, plus 'Library afternoon,' 'Park day,' and woodworking. Monday is the only day we're not scheduled out the ass. Whee. Yeah, I've been busy, not that it really makes a difference to blogging. Busy... lazy... it all ends up the same. No updates.

I'm updating!

Now, for the news. Wolf had a laparoscopic appendectomy on September 9th (Happy birthday to YOUUuuu!) He's doing well and only had to go back in once (due to refusing post-operative hospitalization for longer than 12 hours.) He's still tender which means kitten head butts him in the belly at least once a day. Yesterday, finally, we were painfully graphic about the procedure. Hopefully the abdominal abuse eases for a bit.

Kitten is doing well. She's in her element- busy, busy, busy! I'm ... me. I have good days and not so good days. I'm okay. I'm rolling with it. Sometimes I'm rolling under it, protecting my arms and legs from the wheels, but I'm still here.

Curses.

I awoke at 4:45 this morning to the sound of a phone ringing. It was Wolf's cellphone and he launched himself from the bed saying, "No way." He returned in a huff with the announcement that one of his crew needed a ride to work as his previous arrangement was 'puking drunk.' The usual Monday-drive to work grew from one to two and a half hours. Wolf left at 4:58 and I promptly went back to bed.

I awoke at 6:08 this morning to the sound of a phone ringing. It was Wolf calling to say he was passing our house (having procured his passenger) on his way to work. He said he'd wave but I'd already taken the phone back to bed.

I awoke at around 8 this morning to the sound of a phone ringing. It was Wolf, checking to see if I was okay. He thought I'd sounded a bit 'off' when last he called. I told him that I had been sleeping, not 'off.' I told him I'd call him back.

I awoke at 10:30 this morning to the thought of calling Wolf back. I've had a headache since phone call number two. I opened my eyes and there it was.

God, I hate phones.