Dead woman walking.

I am so tired. I just can't seem to get any sort of spark lit under my ass right now. My sink is full of dishes, the only clean laundry in the house is stuff I can do in the sink (read: underwear). Dinner, this evening, was egg salad on toast... and chips and ice cream.

I'm already dreading this full week ahead of me... I don't know for sure but I'll bet setting a bedtime that's earlier that 3am might help a touch.

I'll let you know.

Overheard at my house.

I love my family. I love my daughter. I struggle to let go of my need to control. Our cat (Kitten's cat) is particular and precious and patient. She will speak when she's less than pleased, but she almost never strikes out. She's not much for being carried and will say so, meowing once as if she's been startled.

Kitten comes from one side of the house, carrying her beloved cat. A brief conversation ensues.

K - There, I finally found a position where she doesn't meow!
Me - Oh yeah? You picked her up by the muzzle?
K - NO!

Kitten loves to make forts for her cat. She designs complicated tunnel and bridge systems, some of which remain upright long enough to be enjoyed. Sometimes Kitten will forget about their game, leaving the room. This morning, after having fed her cat into one such tunnel, Kitten returns to the kitchen to chat. She spits out a brief flurry of statements, some of which are even related to each other, before returning to her room.

K - I know how to find just where she is in the tunnel (giggling)
Me - You enter the room and suddenly scream like a banshee?
K - NO!

Yeah, she has to deal with my crap all the fricken time.

Because I am highly suggestible...

You Are 72% Open Minded

You are a very open minded person, but you're also well grounded. Tolerant and flexible, you appreciate most lifestyles and viewpoints. But you also know where you stand firm, and you can draw that line. You're open to considering every possibility - but in the end, you stand true to yourself.

How Open Minded Are You?

Thank you Jen for commenting on Chases post and introducing me to your blog and, therefore, this post by Stephanie.

Shine on you crazy diamond... and no I won't get nekkid. Don't ask again.

For more pointlessness, please refer to my most recent LJ post.

Road trip.

Things I learned from Thursday to Sunday.

I learned (Thursday) that:

• leaving late doesn't mean arriving late.
• speeding is relative to the rate at which the traffic around you is moving.
• manifestation works, at least in terms of catching a ferry in time.
• eating more veggies makes one hell of a lot more stopping for gas... and then some.
• making good time at the beginning of the day doesn't necessarily mean coming out on top at the end of that same day.
• it doesn't matter how old you are when it comes to sneaking in to your dad's house without waking him, it still gets your heart pumping.
• my sister is/was better at sneaking in than I was, which explains a lot...
  
• it's easier to make my sister laugh when she's nervous... and she swears more (heh)
• it's getting easier to fall asleep in a bed that isn't my own.

(Friday)

• my dad gets up really early!
• he loves his kids and pleasant surprises.
• sixty four doesn't mean old.
• prairie heat is gorgeous.
• say what you want, no matter what you think others want to hear.
• there's no such thing as perfect, and sadness is always an option.
• it's really hard to fall asleep when I'm sad.

(Saturday)

• success can be measured in smiles.
• the older the people in my life get, the more amazing they become.
• the people in my life feel the same about me.
• I am fully capable of smiling and continuing even if I'm scared and overwhelmed.
• my Dad has touched peoples lives and they're thankful.
• if I am willing to accept it, there is immeasurable support out there for me.
• I have a whole other family, really!
• it is hard to go to bed the night before the road-trip home.

(Sunday)

• there are no mountains like the Rocky Mountains.
• Calaway park is still there, but bigger than it was 20 years ago.
• it takes longer for my cell phone to realize we've changed timezones when returning home than when leaving home.
• I don't need to take a picture to make a moment memorable. In fact, it can often ruin the moment, altogether.
• that my sister is hilarious and amazing and loaded down with just as much baggage as am I. (When looking at a line of cars on the highway, trapped behind the slow guy she said, "Look. Pace car... in other words, 'Mom.'" and related to me a conversation she and Mom had had years ago. "Mom, you know that you're supposed to pass in the left lane but travel in the right, right?" "Yes" "Well, do you think that you should change lanes and let the people behind you pass?" "They're going plenty fast enough." You gotta love her! Well, I do, anyway.)
• leaving late doesn't mean arriving late.
• manifestation works, again, in terms of catching a ferry in time.
• after 11 hours of sitting on my ass in a hot car there is enough moisture in the crack of my ass to cultivate mushrooms and moss.
• that I am allowed to be a barefoot hippy and I love it!
• no matter how badly I wanted a vacation, my favourite part was when my daughter launched herself into my arms at the end of it.

It's good to be home.

I hereby solemnly swear...

(Cross posted to LJ)
Wolf is finally living his dream of returning to the country. While I cannot claim that I dislike rural living, I can insist on retaining certain traits I was brought up with, while denouncing certain others that I have witnessed of the local populace.

Now that I'm a country girl...

1. I will do my damnedest not to take it to heart when my good grammar and syntax offends my neighbours (I am not pompous, my mother was an English major.)
2. I will burn some of my garbage, occasionally - not all of it, all the time.
3. You will never hear me state that I've had 3 bottles of wine, then watch as I get into my 4X4 to drive my friend home.
4. I will not use the verb douche when referring to tidying up my home.

I will be adding to this list as situations present themselves.

Seeing God.

(Cross posted to LJ)
I told him that I wasn't interested in watching his slow (or not so) decline and that I was struggling to be supportive in this, his time of illness. If he wasn't going to go see his doctor, so be it. He said he was just fine, that he'd been sick like this before and all has turned out just fine in the past. Then he excused himself to cough until he was sick. "Okay," Wolf said, "if I'm not feeling better by Tuesday I'll make a doctor's appointment." That was on Sunday.

Monday was a replay of Sunday but at a distance (he's back to living-out during the week).

Yesterday morning he called me sounding chipper, if somewhat raspy.

Wolf: Hey babe, (chokecoughsputterwheeze) -(strangled) hang-on (coughhackcoughchoke.......)
Me: Oh good! You're feeling better.
W: Hey, that's only my second today. Really, I'm waaaaay better.

The conversation concluded after whatever pertinent information had been gathered and given.

The morning carried on in the usual home-schooling manner, with sneaking and attempted subterfuge, and at about 12:30, Wolf called again. It was the usual lunch time call. He sounded more raspy, like he had the day(s) before. I asked him how he was doing. He said it was all good. 'Have a good afternoon; talk to you later; love you and all that'...

Less than five minutes pass when the phone rings, again.

Wolf: I'm gonna call the doctor and find out if I can get a walk in appointment. (click)

Five more minutes brings with it the announcement that the office is closed for lunch and no one will be answering until 1 o'clock. Shortly before 1:00 he calls to ask me if I can please set things up with Doc God as he's already on the road.

Reception says, "Doc God's not on walk in today and he's booked solid except for an appointment at 1:40." There was no way Wolf could get home (one hour trip) and we could get to Vic (another hour trip). We decide that we don't care. We're heading in to the city, appointment or not. Not a really eventful trip. Nice scenery, smooth highway, tearing cough. Just loverly.

Into Vic and down the Highway, left on Cloverdale and straight on 'til morning... Yup, booked solid. We had to wait a whole 8 minutes before Doc God himself calls Wolf back (you're the next contestant...). Even down the hall, through the closed exam room door I can hear the wracking coughs. Yum! Ten minutes pass and he's heading back down the hall, the grim expression of a man who has to spend a small fortune to regain some semblance of health. Not too bad, really. Turns out the good doctor was only willing to give him 2 days worth. Why? I'll explain that one with the following exchange:

Doc God: Why didn't you come in sooner?
Wolf: (grinning and coughing)....
Doc God: (scratching on his prescription pad with a vengeance)...

And if you didn't understand that then you either are or have That Guy.

that guy
n.

One who takes care of ones needs, usually medical.

personal idiom:

(I'm/you're/he's) not that guy

• masculine judgment: Only pussies go to the doctor if they aren't bleeding from an artery and I'm not that guy.
• sarcasm: Some people go see someone about coughing up blood but Wolf is not that guy.
  

The fricken guy has a bronchial asthmatic infection "that some might call pneumonia." Doc God gave only 2 days of meds so that, if it wasn't getting better, he could escort Wolf to the hospital on Thursday. If Wolf says it's getting better and goes in for more antibiotics etc, Doc God gets to call any possible bluff. See, there's a reason we call him Doc God. He is all seeing and all knowing, but I can't confirm possible claims of omnipotence.

A new place for my thoughts.

I can't promise that this will always be cheery but I do promise honesty. I will be angry and sad and joy filled and wretched. It's all in here, waiting.