Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Shifting gears...

All my life I've run at two speeds. When I was a kid, the speeds were "full-throttle" and "park." I was either playing like a maniac or not moving (usually anaesthetized by TV). My teen years flew by all "hyper and manic" or dragged on, "morose and blue."

As an adult, these speeds continue to shift. A year ago, before I reentered the work force, my speeds were "peaceful and at my own pace/neutral" and "panic/freak out!" Apparently, even I cannot run at full-panic for very long, so something had to give. My speeds are morphing as I type. I woke this morning, my Saturday, at 6:30 am. I knew I could go back to sleep, but if i did, I'd lose useful hours. I got up and made a pot of coffee.

While doing my morning stuff, I became aware of my new speeds. Since I started work, my "panic/freak out" gear has shifted to "with-a-purpose". 'I have ___ much time; how long will it take me to get ready and how long can I sit?' I remembered how lousy I felt after my last weekend. I had two days and I did nothing!!! I didn't want another wasted break. Sitting on my bed screwing around on facebook and playing net-games for hours is not an effective use of my time.

I've used to have boundless amounts of time. As a procrastinating, stay-at-home, home-schooling mom, the only things I had to worry about were getting Kitten to her lessons and submitting my reporting semi-on-time. I could afford, in a way, to run idle; I never ran out of time and, because of that, I never really did anything. Suddenly, I find my time limited (almost) beyond hope. Now, I can't just say, "Yeah, I'd like to make a skirt/shirt/pair of leg-warmers." If I want to do something, I have two days in which to make it happen.

It seems that I have an opportunity to run in "with-a-purpose" gear more often. And, you know what's funny? I really kind of like it.

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